It bothers me when I hear some parents say; my son does not
respect me; my daughter does not respect me! My son cannot clean after him; my
daughter cannot clean after her! Wait a meet! Did you teach him/her as a young
growing child age 10-12 how to do their chores, to respect people, and most
importantly yourself?
The answer is probably both No and Yes! No because you love
your son/daughter so much that you feel correcting their wrong doing will hurt
them. Therefore, you decided that doing the chores yourself is better because
you cannot afford to see them suffer. Yes, you did, but started when you could
no longer control them. It is good to love our children, but in loving them, we
should be courteous of how we train them, less the love becomes our nightmare.
Over-loving our children can sometimes result to neglecting our responsibility
as parents. When you refuse to correct your child's disobedient and disrespect
to other people, then, you must be ready to face the consequences yourself.
What do I mean? I am emphasizing that by failing to admonish that wrongdoing,
you are encouraging your child to disrespect you. Charity they say begins at
home! What you teach your child is what he/she will represent outside. I have
watched uncles, aunties, relatives and friends pamper their children like egg.
That is good! You can say he is my only child and deserves love; fair enough!
But, do you love him enough not to rebuke his outrageous attitude such as when
he eats and abounds and piles up the dishes for you to wash? Are you doing her
good by asking your househelp to wash her clothes and prepare her food when you
could quickly teach her to do those things? No, you are not! You know why? It
is because at the end of the day you have only done your househelp well by
teaching her how to survive independently, while, you make your son/daughter a
liability to his or herself.
Thank God for the internet as the world is now
computerizing. For some reasons, our 21st century parents nowadays, think that
computer can teach their children respect and every other quality needed for
their survival. Computer is good and can contribute to the child’s
development. However, the moral aspect
of the child's upbringing is entirely your responsibility. I was thought to
respect people at a very tender age, and it paid off in the long run because
that is an appropriate time for children to learn manners and not at their
teenage age when they begin to assume a grown up attitude. For instance, we had
a househelp and for this reason, I did not learn to start cooking until my high
school. Our househelp did the cooking and some other household chores. I was
glad at that time that all I needed do was play or read my books. When the
househelp was dismissed by my mother after completing high school, we still did
not realise the importance of learning how to cook until my mother travelled
for a crucial meeting and we were left with no one to cook for us. I always
remembered how my sister and I cooked Ogbono soup for the first time and the
soup turned out watery with plenty of oil and salt. We definitely learnt to
cook the hard way.
What then is my point? I am advocating that parents teach
their children how to respect them and what they are supposed to know at an
early age, irrespective of whether the househelp is there or not. It is your
responsibility and not the computers.' Whatever you teach your child will
surely not depart from them according to the bible (proverbs 22:6). If your
child learns to respect you, he will learn to respect himself and others. So
next time, before you ask your son/daughter after he finishes eating to go and
sleep, just remember you will end up doing the dishes yourself and that some
day they will become an adult who needs to be responsible. You do not want them
to turn into mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, always running to you at the slightest
chance when they should be capable of handling situations in their adult life.
